Gamma who? one word...BITCHES
| me 100% of the time: | nobody fucking touch me i will skin you and wear you as a fucking coat |
| also me 100% of the time: | come here and cuddle me and wrap your arms around me and run your fingers through my hair and pet me and kiss me please please please |
its a strange world we live in
i struggle to find the write words as to how i am feeling or what exactly I want to say, all i know is that i want to get these feelings out of me because it’s becoming a burden to the point where I’ve been crying a lot today. Am I supposed to be jealous even though we are not together? is that even appropriate, idk but I know I cant say a damn thing to you about it. I know you’ve lied to me and cheated on me but it’s just the little things that I see that you say that make me just want to hate you and hit you up and just scream “how could you” just so that you can see how hurt i am and maybe feel guilty for doing so, but I just can’t do that to you, i wouldn’t do that to you because no matter how hurt i am i would hate for you to feel what I am feeling, I would hate to see you cry from hurting me. I dont know why that is, maybe it’s love but I know what I feel for you isn’t love, it’s desire, desire for the guy that doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, desire and longing for things to go back to how they were before, desire for this all to be just a twisted dream that I can’t wake up from, desire for you and your love and affection. I just want to be the one that you want, and maybe I am but you are too emotionally distressed to see it, but I dont know if I should sit around and wait or if I should just get off my butt and leave because if you have the decency to cheat and catch feelings for other girls you can still feel emotions for me if they were there right? you wouldnt lie to me right, you wouldnt be afraid to lose me right, you wouldnt stop loving me right. I dont know what the right thing to do right now is, I just want this pain and suffering to end because i know he could care less about me . and i know that i made him sound like a bad guy but he has the tendency to cause people to have mixed emotions, he cares about my happiness but would be the first one to make me cry, he loves me but would be the first one to complain about me, he wants me but would be the first one to push me away, hes that type of guy
